The Elusive Moose of Texas

On day 2 of our trip we stopped off in Virginia Beach to have dinner with Kristin’s cousin, Tyson. Essentially, we decided on the first place we saw, which happened to be a charming little establishment called, “Texas Steakhouse.” Upon entering the “Texas Roadhouse” knock-off, we noticed the entire staff wearing wranglers, cowboy boots, bolo ties, and some kind of button up shirt with an embroidered cactus on it that is intended to fool the customer into thinking that these people know steaks. Immediately to the left of the waiting area was a beat up mechanical horse, a mini-amusement park for little kids and rotovirus.

Growing up in Texas, I thought I had become accustomed to tacky wall ornaments and decorations encompassing an overarching theme, like West Texas lore and its related stereotypes. However, Virginia’s “Texas Steakhouse” went so over the top with the western theme, which was often completely wrong, that I felt embarrassed to be associated with such a comical state. First off, everywhere you looked there were pictures of cowboys perched atop bucking broncos in the middle of the desert. There must have been at least 200 of these lining the rustic wood paneled walls. Let’s think about the practicality of this image for a second. The producers of these pictures, most likely a company based in Massachusetts or Hong Kong, thought that cowboys in mid-19^th century Texas spent hours upon hours of their time taming wild horses by strapping themselves onto the animals back. It’s as if they saw a rodeo on TV and projected a day in the life of a Texan from their observations.

In addition to the exorbitant number of Texas snapshots adorning the walls, there were also quite a few neon signs describing things that us Texans love. Such signage included, “I like country music,” “Outhouse,” and one that had a red heart with “Texas” inside it. I can’t really blame them for their choice of signs aside from the lack of creativity, because above all else, Texans really, really love Texas.

After finishing my meal, a decided to mosey on over to the “outhouse” for some good ‘ole fashioned pissin’. As I got up I noticed the coup de grace of Texan ideology hanging on the wall; the quintessential entity with which all Texans identify…the infamous moose. A giant moose head loomed over the restaurant enrapturing other diners with thoughts of monstrous creatures roaming the Texas countryside. I wanted to reassure everybody present that day not to worry about rampant Texas Moose. After all, they mainly live up in the panhandle where their natural predators, the elephant and rhinoceros, mainstays of the gulf coast, can’t reach them.